i would like to see more discussions/posts on how the be-all-end-all of recovery from sexual assault doesn’t have to be “good sex.”
i know for a lot of people, finally having good, consentual sex is a big milestone in recovery. they may even feel like they’ve fully recovered. and that’s fantastic for them! if that’s what they needed to move past/accept/etc their trauma, then i am happy for them.
but i feel like this line of thinking gets applied to all victims of sexual assault, and we’re told by everyone that we’ll be fully healed once we can have crazy orgasms again or something.
my /personal/ goal with dealing with the trauma involved with being raped is not to be able to have “good” sex again. in fact i’m pretty sure this line of thinking made me feel even worse about sex. when i would have “good” sex with a loving partner and still get triggered, i felt like i would never get better. i felt like there was something wrong with me. i would feel the pull to tell my partners that they didn’t do anything wrong. i didn’t want to make them feel guilty. so instead of focusing on me and how i was personally feeling really fucked up, i was focused on soothing my partners, even if they seemed fine.
i feel like sometimes, through no coercion from my partners, /i/ forced myself to have sex. because it had been a long time, because i did feel sort of turned on, whatever. but i didn’t want to. but it was so ingrained in me, from my abusers and from people trying to help, that sex was the answer. if i was physically aroused but my mind didn’t want it, i’d go with what my body said. because how was i supposed to get better if i didn’t try, right?
it is okay to have complicated feelings about sex. it’s okay to have sex, to want sex, to enjoy sex, and then feel gross and dirty afterwards. it’s okay to not want sex at all. it’s okay to be physically turned on and still not want sex. that does not mean you failed. that means that fucked up shit was done to you and you’re still sorting through it.
This post healed me more than sex ever has tbh even just a little bit
Anonymous said: The first time I ever met this guy who I'm now in love with, we were at his house. And later on he wanted to have sex and I said no and so we just kissed but he put his hand on my thigh going up my dress and I told him to stop but he made it to my panties and i pushed his hand away so we just kept kissing and he pulled my bra down and i didnt want it to go that far. I just wanted to kiss.
I’m so sorry sweetie :c Have you talked to anybody about what happened?
I haven’t been on this blog for quite sometime. Honestly I was disheartened by the lack of traffic, submissions, asks, etc. I really wanted this to take off but I’m still not sure how to do so.
I am so sorry to those of you who appreciate this blog, I feel like Ive somehow let you down.
I plan on getting back on here regularly and supporting you all.
I have a question for those of you out there that have been assaulted by someone you love: do you still love them? Even just the tiniest bit?
It’s been over a decade since everything that happened with my dad and there are days where I just regret even saying anything and not sticking it out but then I smack myself. I still love him and most days I hate myself for that.
Does anyone else ever feel this way? Is it normal?
Well this blog has been up for a few weeks now and I have to admit that I’m a bit discouraged with the little amount of acknowledgement we’ve gotten so far. If any of you can help get the word out about this blog, or even encourage your followers to submit or tell their friends to share their stories I’d greatly appreciate it.
Public breastfeeding is currently becoming a movement. Women are saying, “This part of me isn’t sexual! Its what nature intended, so let us be!” Of course women will be proud of doing something that takes guts and that they will more than likely be shamed for. Breastfeeding is…
From “What can’t be published,” The National Post. Also: “It is more than 20 years since Paul Bernardo’s gruesome Scarborough attacks, and the conversation still hinges on what women should do to protect themselves.”
I don’t even want to tell you to Google Paul Bernardo if you don’t know who he is. Suffice to say he’s Canada’s most notorious serial killer, and before he graduated to killing young teenaged schoolgirls he was the Scarborough Rapist, terrorizing his neighborhood in Toronto in a period of panic and predation that I remember well. This is an important read.
Calls for Men to Be Blindfolded in Public
In response to claims that men are unable to restrain themselves from committing rape if they see women in skimpy clothing, members of law enforcement agencies around the country have called for men to blindfold themselves when they are in places…
justalicia said: Today I was sexually assaulted. I was coming home back from my dance classes and a guy not older than 25 approached me and started to talk about how "pretty" and how "lonely" I looked. I kept walking. Then he pushed me into the alley and.. well, I tried to fight him but I didn't had the strenght, and he was smart enough to use a condom. Why is that smart? Because now there's no proofs and I know I it's not worth in telling someone because no one would believe me.
Anybody who knows that you’re an honest person should believe you, and the chances that you were even lying in the first place (which you’re not) are so slim, like why would anybody ever lie about something as serious as this? I’m sorry that you feel that you can’t tell anybody, and I’m sorry that our rape culture is terrible. If you need somebody to talk to you can always talk to me and ask that I reply privately, reach out to my followers for support, or call RAINN hotline which provides a counselor for you to talk to: